Tonight, for some dumb-ass reason, I went to Walmart. I needed a new toothbrush and basically to get the hell out of the house. I remembered that I needed some plastic sheeting for a project I'm doing, so I wandered over to hardware and found Husky brand plastic sheeting.
As I looked at this Husky plastic sheeting, something on the label caught my eye: The label basically said that by buying and using their product, you agree that to binding arbitration if a "dispute" should arise! What the hell man? You mean if I line my baby's crib with this plastic, and something bad happens, I can't sue? More seriously though, what if the plastic was spontaneously combustible, or contained carcinogens or poisons? What if it melts on contact with paint, so that if I splatter paint on it (it's intended purpose), it leaks through and fuses to the carpet? Not that any of that shit is likely to happen, but still...
I was puzzled. Was this some Walmart thing, or just this manufacturer? Was it on all products? Does buying anything at Walmart strip you of your right to sue in a court of law? What in the hell could be Husky's legal costs? Seriously, what the fudge?
I picked up other products and didn't see anything. I wondered what else might be so "dangerous" as to require more than a stern warning on the label. So I wandered over to the plastic gas cans. Lots of warnings, but no arbitration agreement. (By the way, if you haven't bought a plastic gas can in awhile, they look quite different now.)
I even wandered over to sporting goods and looked at ammunition. Surely if there was an industry that doesn't want to get sued, it's got to be ammunition. Nope. Some lead warnings and such. Then I got distracted and started looking for non-leaded shotshells for my 12 gauge. Then I remembered that my 12 gauge is a sawed-off piece of junk that I only use for home protection.
Anyhow, I got to thinking about this arbitration thing more.
I have decided to add an arbitration clause to this blog:
Binding Arbitration Clause
By reading this blog, using its content, posting things on it, lining your birdcage with it, placing an ad on it, being mentioned in it, or in any other way interacting with it, you hereby agree to mandatory and binding arbitration in the event of any dispute. Such arbitration judgment may be entered in any court of law that WhosPlayin chooses. Arbitration will be conducted at your expense through our preferred firm, Dunn-Lissen Arbitration, LP. All arbitration is to be conducted with you hopping on one foot, and you must eat a saltine cracker and whistle dixie each time you wish to speak. If you want to present evidence, you must print it on 100% recycled paper, double-spaced, and each page must be notarized with your signature.
To OPT OUT:You may opt-out of the binding arbitration by erasing your hard drive, burning all print-outs of anything you've ever read on this website, and sending the video-tape of the destruction, wrapped in an uncut mint-sheet of $20 bills. This tape must be mailed by registered mail, return receipt requested no earlier than 180 days nor later than 179 days before you intend to file a claim in a court of law.
WARNING: Do not read this blog from a notebook computer while in the bathtub. Typing on your keyboard may cause repetitive motion injuries. Consult your physician and your attorney before doing anything. Contributions to WhosPlayin are not deductible for income tax purposes, except when they are. Consult a tax professional. Batteries are not included. Your mileage may vary. Not available in Alaska or Montana. LOUSIANA RESIDENTS: Hoo wee, y'all have the right to have yo neybuh read this to yah if'n ya caint read now, ya hear? KENTUCKY RESIDENTS: None of the 11 herbs and spices used by the Colonel have been harmed in the making of this website.
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